Carlson’s Infantile Frustrated Rage
Carlson’s frustration is rooted in his sham marriage. She’s really a trans male who hasn’t had the “snip & tuck.” Bottom line Carlson is an “involuntary celibate” because even his wife no longer wants anything to do with him. At least, in the beginning, his wife would give him a blowjob to keep him happy but, now, Tucker’s best friend is his hand. He tried to get Trump to let him do Melania but even a whore like her has standards. She’s reported to have replied, “I wouldn’t fuck him (Tucker) with your (Trump’s) tiny dick.”
His kids are actually aliens disguised as kids. They’ve been sent here to study just how stupid humans are. In fact, the alien leader is “Q” who used to be a comedian in his alien society. He was well known for his elaborate practical jokes a’la Sacha Baron-Cohen which Q is now playing on American redneck, racist, MAGAts in an effort to see how stupid they really are. He was gone from the scene for a few years because he reached the bottom of his barrel of jokes without finding the true depth of “Treasonous Racist Uncouth MAGAt Putin-lovers” stupidity. But, fear not, Q recently returned with a whole boatload of new material. (Spoiler Alert – He’s now impersonating a Sperm Court justice who always looks like he swallowed a load of Mitch McConnell’s diseased cum.) Stay tuned for more Faux News.