Skip to content

Pray for “The Rapture”

Why I’m Praying for “The Rapture”

Although I’m a practicing Pastafarian, I pray loudly, fervently and often for “The Rapture” postulated by various evangelical Qhristians in the hopes that when their eschatological moment appears, the world will be rid of a large number of whack-a-doodle Q-nutjobs. By the way, it was brought to my attention that when a person loses half their IQ, they’re simply Q.

Back to “The Rapture.” If Qhristians are so upset about the current state of the world that they pray for an end of times event to take them all away to their imagined LaLaLand, why not just commit mass suicide a’la Jonestown. It would certainly make their lives and the lives of all remaining people easier and more enjoyable. Now, I’m not in any way intimating the remaining people will all be fine, upstanding Americans or, even, intelligent Democrats, independents or apolitical voters. There will certainly be a large number of rwnj (right wing nut job) Nazis, Putinistas, whaQos, ignorant, illiterate trash and other assorted non-evangelical crazies left over.

Be as that may, as many as 100 million ‘muricans might possibly believe in “The Rapture” and be whisked away sans clothes in the blink of an eye, leaving only us non-believers. That leaves approximately 230 million Americans post-rapture. Among those left behind, there will be a shitpotful of criminals, hucksters, rednecks, racists, morons, miscreants, ignoranamouses and other undesirables. It would be my hope that a large number, upon observing the rapture, would “see the light” and amend their antisocial behavior in the hope that there’s a later flight. Hell, were that the case, even I might be persuaded to change my Pastafarian beliefs to accommodate a rapture (doubtful.)

Bottom line, life in the US would be much easier and more fun if all we had to contend with were run-of-the-mill sociopaths and knuckleheads. The justice system might have time and resources to arrest, try, convict and punish real criminals and evaluate true mental cases without having to divert time and resources to rwnj religious whack-a-doodles.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *